October 29th, 2011

When I was 15, I thought I’d be married by 27.

I didn’t know what I wanted to be, but I assumed I’d be stable, married (or at least engaged), with a fulfilling job I could do for the rest of my life. No kids yet, because the thought of having a child scares me and I can’t imagine taking care of my own at this age. (Even at 15, I knew I didn’t want to have them at 27).

Reality: At 27, I’m a grad student, living in a shared apartment with three people I met on Craigslist, and spending Saturday night at the J-School because it’s too snowy to head back home. But somehow things feel right, and I’m in the right place at the right time. I’m glad that I didn’t get to choose the direction of my life as a teen, because I’d have missed out on a lot of heartbreaking, but necessary, experiences.

Sometimes I wonder about the choices I made; should I have stayed in a particular relationship? Should I have gone to grad school in Europe? Should I have just stayed home, stuck it out, and gotten promoted to a higher position? I don’t know, but I no longer spend angsty hours stressing about the direction of my life because I know that somehow, I’ll be fine (at least I hope I will).

I’m not giving up this blog anytime soon, but I feel that I’m nearing the end of my quarter-life crisis, and “twenteensomething” no longer seems to fit the bill entirely. Even the design isn’t me anymore (except as a broke grad student, I’m not shelling out for a web designer, and I don’t have the necessary CSS skills to overhaul it just yet). Nonetheless, I feel drawn to blogging again, primarily because I’ve been going through so many things here in New York, and I want to record and share them somehow. So the blog will live until next year at least, but probably not for much longer.

And I’m glad I’m not yet married.


3 Responses to “27”

  1. Roj says:

    I hope that you won’t give up on blogging even though the title of this blog isn’t appropriate anymore or any other reason related to what you mentioned above. perhaps you can start a new one which is more representative of your current life? haha

    i am captivated by the ease of your writing which is crafted well and I do enjoy reading your entries even though I’m a stranger. (I hope this doesn’t freak you out!)

    I also hope to pursue grad studies in Columbia SEAS by 2013 and I’d also love the opportunity of being able to live in NY. I’m excited to read about your NY/Columbia entries soon!

  2. Maureen says:

    in this age and time when so many teens of our age seemed lost in their lives, it’s a refreshing and welcome change to read that at least somebody feels like she’s headed to the right direction.

  3. Keisha says:

    Hey Bianca!

    I’m Keisha. I once set next to you in one of Prof. Arao’s class. Anyway, you probably don’t remember me but I’d just like to say how astounded you are at how much you’ve accomplished at this stage in your life. Wow. I envy you because you are living my dream. Congrats to you. :)

    Also, I find it funny that your life is a bit like Zooey Deschanel’s character on new girl – living on a flat with 3 people she met on Craigslist. :P That bit’s true right?

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