Avenue Q is the ultimate twenteensomething musical play. It’s twisted, it’s funny, but most of all, it rings true. Sure, I was raised on Sesame Street, but growing up, I realized that life isn’t as happy-go-lucky as the puppets made it seem to be.
Cookies, I learned, were full of unnecessary calories and downing them as quickly as Cookie Monster did made adults frown; two grown-up men living together usually meant they were gay, and when you sent back your orders frequently to the waiter (as Grover’s constantly unsatisfied customers did), they usually spit in your soup. Stuff like that.
So when I watched Avenue Q with a bunch of friends over the weekend, there was no stopping the laughs that came in song after song. If your humor’s as twisted as your life is, there’s definitely an Avenue Q song for you. Check out which song could be the soundtrack of your life.
“What Do You Do With a BA in English?”
Listen to it if you’re: Doing a job that has nothing to do with your college degree. Or if you can’t seem to land a decent job that you’re interested in.
Key line: “What do you do with a B.A. in English/What is my life going to be? Four years of college and plenty of knowledge/ Have earned me this useless degree.”
My “What Do You Do With a BA in English?” moment: I graduated with a degree in Journalism and not BA English, but it sometimes comes pretty close. I freelanced for a year after graduation, and you know how older people feel about freelancing—it has the same credibility as being a “consultant,” which is equal to not having a stable job in the eyes of the parental units.
Also, my sister is about to graduate with a degree in Management in Applied Chemistry, and nerdy as that may sound, I know she’s gonna rake in the cash someday. She and her friends developed a pain reliever cream for a project and now, a nationwide drugstore wants to distribute it. Which pretty much means they’ll be richer than me someday. I wanted to go back in time and shoot my high school self for picking the noble literary route.
“Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist”
Listen to it if you’re: One of those people who thinks that protesting over every little joke about Filipinos on television is a reason to boycott the network that airs it. *cough*Desperate Housewives joke*cough*
Key line: “Ethnic jokes might be uncouth/But you laugh because they’re based on truth/Don’t take them as personal attacks/Everyone enjoys them—so relax!”
My “Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist” moment: Before going to Berlin to study before, a friend gave me a copy of Eurotrip, claiming that it was one of the greatest comedies ever. I watched it, found it funny, and gave several classmates copies of the movie. However, I belatedly realized that their scope of humor may not be the same as ours when my Bangladeshi classmate said that he wanted to show the movie to his friends back home as a stellar example of European culture. (He particularly liked the bits depicting Amsterdam).
“The Internet is for Porn”
Listen to it if you’re: Someone who spends his time downloading dirty stuff in between shopping in Amazon or eBay, or checking email. (Trekkie Monster always steals the show when he comes onstage, so do try to watch!)
Key line: “The Internet is for porn!” ‘Nuff said.
My “The Internet is for Porn” moment: The first time I watched real porn (hi mom and dad) was with my co-workers in Metro as an assignment (yes, really!). The first thing was a screening of Pirates. Not from the Carribbean, mind you. They were saying lines like, “Impale me with your massive sword!” After that, our creative director sat us down to a screening of gay porn, which featured well, a two-in-one showdown. My eyes, they burned.
“My Girlfriend, Who Lives In Canada”
Listen to it if you’re: In denial about being gay. Or have a friend who’s in denial about being gay and comes up with an imaginary girlfriend who coincidentally lives abroad and is mysteriously never available.
Key line: “Last week she was here, but she had the flu/Too bad ‘cause I wanted to introduce her to you.”
My “My Girlfriend, Who Lives In Canada” moment: I’m not gay so I’ll let you know if I ever get a moment like that, but I do have a couple of friends who should probably get out of the closet, lest they run out of air. I do have a boyfriend who lives in Clark most of the week, so maybe people think I’m making him up.
“It Sucks To Be Me”
Listen to it if you’re: Drowning in a deluge of self-pity
Key line: “Tried to work in Korean deli/But I am Japanese/But with hard work I earn two master’s degrees in social work/And now I a therapist but I have no clients/And I have an unemployed fiancé/And we have lots of bills to pay!”
My “It Sucks To Be Me” moment: Last year, after coming home from Berlin, I had a series of unfortunate work-related and personal disasters, which culminated in my breaking up with my boyfriend and consequently losing the will to write articles for a time. Shortly after that, Typhoon Ondoy came and drowned half my house.
Being on the brink of losing everything that mattered gave me the chance to take a cold, hard look at my life and go out and look for something else—which is why I applied to graduate school abroad. Now, I don’t feel like it sucks to be me, but I had to go through that extremely rough patch when I felt that nothing I ever did was right, that I was wasting my time in my job, and that I probably should’ve just become a flight attendant instead of becoming a journalist.
“I Wish I Could Go Back To College”
Listen to it if you’re: Formerly the big guy/girl on campus who is bored or unsatisfied with life. Or just miss receiving an allowance from your parents.
Key line: “I wish I could go back to college/In college you know who you are/You sit in the quad, and think, “Oh my God! I am totally gonna go far!”
My “I Wish I Could Go Back To College” moment: When I was in college, I admittedly did quite well for a student. I won a slew of writing and academic awards, was always on the Dean’s List, and since I was already working, traveled for work on weekends or school holidays, which made some classmates quite envious. I graduated cum laude feeling like I was on top of the world, but hey, what comes up must come down. I quickly got over that feeling and came to believe I was nothing special, since I met many people who were smarter, more accomplished and hell, a lot better-looking than I was.
It’s easy to be an achiever when you’re a student, since there are lots of opportunities to win awards, and you’re not competing with people who are a lot older and more accomplished than you are. I used to sort the “awards received” section on my resume per year; after 2008, I stopped getting awards so I removed the years because I felt like a pathetic, washed-out wannabe. For a time, I felt like the best part of my life had already gone by. Hopefully, there’s more to look forward to now.
He's not from Avenue Q, but his characteristic "ha-ha!" makes him the poster boy of schadenfreude
“Schadenfreude”
Listen to it if you’re: Secretly happy that your crush broke up with his girlfriend, or if your co-worker didn’t get the promotion he didn’t deserve.
Key lines: “Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken/Straight-A students getting Bs?/Exes getting STDs”
My “Schadenfreude” moment: When my first ex, who cheated on me, started dating a bunch of inappropriate girls and seemingly lost control of his life, I have to admit it felt good in a “Whew, dodged a bullet there” kind of way. We’re not enemies and I wish him all the best, by the way. Just saying.
What song can you relate to most, and why?
I wish I could go back to college./Life was so simple back then.
I could have bawled. TRUTH!
And hey, congrats Biancs.
Haha! You, of all people? Ang galing-galing mo eh, even after college
again, don’t forget me when you become a legend ha! (Di na pwede yung hirit na “When you win a Palanca” eh).
Hoy Ms Columbia Grad School tigilan mo ako ha. Pulitzer na ang next aim mo! Haha.
I still want to try for a Palanca someday. Idol kasi kita hehe! Dude, eh kung ikaw kaya ang mag-apply sa grad school abroad, pasok ka na agad. With matching scholarship pa :p
I graduated chem and I must say, I envy what your sister did haha. I don’t even remember anything about chem anymore. My favorite Management of Applied Chemistry product though, has to go to a friend and his groupmates who developed an anti-itch lotion called “Itch gone!” hehe.