I’ve been lucky enough to have classmates from all corners of the world. Other cultures are infinitely more fascinating and relatable when you know people from different countries. But once in a while, my classmates and I encounter language and culture barriers that make what we’re really saying seem a hundred times worse. Just now, a Bangladeshi classmate from a course I took in Germany messaged me on Facebook. What could’ve been a routine catching-up conversation went haywire somewhere in the middle…

Masum: hi, Bianca-how r u?
Bianca: good, thank you. how are you?
Masum: fine, what about u?
Bianca: same as ever, how about you?
Masum: Did u marry?
Bianca: no, far from! why?
Masum: just for information………
Bianca: oh i’m still unmarried; I’m just 25
Masum: u r too young, i thought u r at least 30.
Bianca (freaking out, having palpitations): you thought i was 30? i look 30???
Masum (immediately realizing his mistake): no dear. u look so young…..

It reminded me of other conversations that I had with my classmates back in 2007. I’ve always been okay with the fact that I’m a dork; I’m not big on clubbing, and sometimes, I’d really rather stay in with a good book than get drunk at a party. But don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my “girls gone wild” moments as well. I just choose not to make them public, or make it seem as if all I ever do is party, because I don’t.

Thing is, it’s easier to say “Hey, I’m a dork and I don’t care” nowadays, since geeks are actually cool. I’ve never had to explain that to people who come from say, the U.S. But it doesn’t seem to translate as well to other cultures. For instance:

Over dinner, a few of us were discussing our plans for the night.

Brazil: What are you all doing tonight, yes?
Ghana: Ah, we are going to go the movies and go clubbing!
Kenya: We are going to paint the town red!
Germany: I will show you the good clubs nearby, ja?
Vietnam: *giggles*
Indonesia: Really? I will go with you all?
Afghanistan: Let’s all get going. Are you all ready to leave now?
Philippines: I can go on the 7:30pm walking tour, but I won’t go clubbing.
Indonesia: You don’t want to go? Why not? You are tired, no?
Philippines: I have to finish an article and I don’t go clubbing much. I’m a bit of a nerd, really.
Brazil: Oh you are a nerd! How very funny! *slaps thigh*

While we were going around Blankenese, a beautiful town that seems to be populated by millionaires, the talk fell to relationships. For some unfortunate reason, no matter where you are, conversation always seems to end up in that area; if you’re committed, hooray for you. If not, you must be some sort of loser. Like me, for instance. (Note that this was written back in 2007; somewhere along the way, I got into a relationship).

Cambodia: So, do you have girlfriend?
Nigeria: I have many!
Cambodia: Me too, I have boyfriend. And you have boyfriend? *turns to me*
Philippines: Oh uh, actually, no.
Cambodia: Why not? I find that hard to believe.
Philippines: Well I did have one, but it just sort of.. didn’t work out then.
Cambodia: Ahh I see. You don’t want to have boyfriend?
Philippines: Uh, I would want one eventually–
Cambodia: Yes, so you go to dates?
Philippines: Er, not really. I don’t go out much, it’s a lot more complicated that that, actually..
Cambodia (nodding in comprehension): Ah, you don’t have many friend.
Philippines: Oh no, wait, I do have friends!
Cambodia: But you don’t go on date?
Philippines: (prays for conversation to end)