It hasn’t even been a month, and the ugly pangs of distance are starting to needle their way into my relationship with J. The thing with long distance relationships is that you get to go over only the major, necessary details when you tell someone about your day—that is, if you get to talk at all. I’m grateful for the invention of Skype and the Blackberry, but even those aren’t of much help when what you want to share is all mundane.
So far, my life here is on the dorky side. I’d never been much of a clubber and I can actually be quite shy sometimes; add the fact that I’m basically supporting myself for my living expenses, and you’ll understand why I can’t hit the bars as much as many of my classmates do. I felt really lame when J started telling me about his day while he was nursing a hangover. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him last night; I got a text message from him at 4.30am telling me that he was just on the way home. I spent half the day online, waiting for him to call, and when that failed, I headed out to Marshall’s and Staples. The trains took ages to arrive. On the way home, I dropped by the grocery and got a couple of pints of Ben & Jerry’s because it was the last day they were going to be on sale.
Today, I barely recognized myself. If you had read that last paragraph without having an idea of who I am, or what I do, or what I look like, your mental image of me must be this: a fat, lonely girl waiting by the phone (or laptop), gorging on ice cream and aimlessly flipping through TV channels, going to bargain emporiums and office supply stores.
The thing is, I live in New York. I go to grad school in one of the best universities in the world. I hop from dress size 2-4, depending on the brand. I have fantastic family and friends who love me. My boyfriend loves me.
That’s what I’d like to think.
Being in a long distance relationship can shake your core and make you doubt a lot of things you value and believe in, because you’re no longer physically—and sometimes, emotionally—close to the person who is supposed to be nestled in the center of your being.
Hang in there! I hate LDRs with a passion – I’ve been in two LDRs – one when I went away for university, and another now that I’m working in a different country. It can be quite frustrating. But it can train you to be emotionally independent, if there is such a thing.
I agree with the previous comment. It trains you to be emotionally and mentally resilient. However, don’t let your LDR be in the way of getting to know other people closer to where you are.
I’m not sure how I landed here really, but this blog you posted on August 13 caught my attention. I was also in a long-distance relationship. Waiting by skype? Been there done that. LDR is expensive and agonizing. Even fighting and having LQs can be a challenge!
That time, though, my boyfriend was in New York while I was here in Manila. When we finally realize we’re tired of being too far away from each other, we got married–just last month. On August 13.
I thought it won’t hurt to leave a comment, to let you know that some random stranger knows exactly what you feel. Also, to attest that when you’re finally together (that is, if you survive this whole long distance thing, survivors are few! haha), you’ll know that everything was truly worth it.
Hey Riz! Thanks for the encouragement, it does make me feel better about things
we’ve been managing–he finally got a BlackBerry so we could text each other in real time. He’s a pilot so he’s often somewhere else, and it’s a little tough to be catching each other from various time zones. Congratulations on tying the knot!