This is how excited we were for the prom, even if we pretended it didn't mean that much to us. We passed notes and little booklets about it in the days leading up to the day itself.
It was with a jolt that I realized that today—April 2—was the day that we held our prom 10 years ago. 10 years! I remember the date only because we made such a big deal of the prom back then, even if we didn’t want to admit to to ourselves. The guy I was seeing back then (in the inimitable way that Manila high schoolers ‘kinda’ date someone) projected a ‘the prom is silly and I’m above all this’ attitude about things, but he gave me a white gold necklace and had our prom photos enlarged and framed. Go figure. Of course back then, I was kilig, but looking back, we didn’t really know what we were doing or where we were going. But I will admit that it was a memorable point in high school—going beyond crushes, and really falling in love with someone for the first time. We had been seeing each other in a non-commital way, but the prom started the avalanche that comprised our senior year.
I’m writing this entry sitting on the floor, laptop perched on my knees, while my friends are playing Rock Band. Had you told me back then that I would find myself doing what I’m doing now (the blogging and the Rock Band, that is), I would’ve rolled my eyes. How positively uncool! Maybe at one point I might’ve dreamt that the high school guy and I might’ve ended up together for good; I don’t know. Maybe I never really thought of my future as far as 10 years back then. It’s safe to say that I probably assumed that I would be stable by now, possibly engaged, and with a thriving career. Well, I’m definitely not getting hitched anytime soon. As for my career… Well, we’ll see what happens after grad school. The only thing I have going for myself at the moment is that 16-year-old me would’ve approved of my current job as a magazine editor.
Ten years. Some old classmates are married or engaged; some have children, some have moved abroad. Some are living the lives they imagined back when they were 16; some are doing the exact opposite. Gone are the demure, giggly schoolgirls that we were back then, dressed in jewel-toned gowns and sparkly tiaras, having our first encounters with full makeup and sweaty hand-holding. People talk about careers now, or their kids. Sex is no longer taboo—but when we were 16, if people said you weren’t a virgin anymore, it was one of the biggest insults they could throw your way.
I got home late last night, but when I saw the calendar, I texted an old friend. At 4am. “Just realized prom was exactly 10 years ago! We’re old,” I typed. I just had to tell her, because it wasn’t a mere memory that I wanted to dredge up. It was a checkpoint: what did we have to show for ourselves in those 10 years, and how much had changed?
She replied a couple of hours later, but I was asleep by then: ”Yeah, was thinking of that last week… April 2 diba? I still remember well. Sometimes I miss how simple life was then.”
At a time when I can’t go through one day without worrying about the future, it would be nice to transported to a time when our biggest worries were centered on dates and gowns and tiaras, even for just one night. I wish I could go to the prom again.
